Just Do It

Today I bought a Nike t-shirt. I've always wanted one. Not sure why I've never bought one until now. It's pink, of course and the slogan sprawls across my chest announcing to the world that I too am a crazed enthusiast of the Just Do It alliance. Did you know it's an alliance? People all over the world embrace the idea that Just Doing It will make you stronger, more agile, more muscular, more peaceful, maybe even smarter.

So I checked out of the Academy Sports, happy with my purchase that bounced along deep in the bowels of my crinkly plastic bag, beside two pairs of snow boots and a pair of dress boots for my son. And yes, I know it doesn't snow in Texas. As I pulled out of the parking lot I imagined shedding my dress up clothes and pulling out my new shiny bubble gum tee. I would join the club, I would Just Do It.

I dumped the bag onto my bed exhilarated to finally be a part of the Just Do It club. I threw my high heels into the closet while ripping my blonde head free of the sweater that caught on my glasses. Woops, again with the glasses?? Tore through the pile of shoes until my fingers caught the smooth edge of the pepto colored garment that I quickly checked for holes or loose threads, and then pulled my arms through the holes, and my head poked through the top.
I ran to the full length mirror to check for immediate change and said to myself, "Dang, somebody take my picture, cuz I'm looking good."
Much to my disappointment no music randomly played, no spotlights magically appeared and certainly no photographer hopped from out behind my rack of sweaters to take my picture. Somehow the get up and go of the Just Do It club, had got up and went.
I do love the tee, it's cute and will make itself right at home with the rest of my tees. And believe me when I tell you that I wore it around proudly all afternoon, while I munched on Halloween candy. So I think I've decided that Just Do It is cool, and a fun marketing ploy but for me I think I'm happy being part of the "I'll Just Do It When I Feel Like It" club. There's much less guilt that way don't you think?
And besides, I'm not so sure I've got what it takes to be a part of that alliance anyway, what if Just Do It for me means "Just eat the candy" or "Just sleep an extra hour". Maybe Just Do It is random and subjective...in any case. I have this really cute new t-shirt that's telling me right now that Just Do It, means I can go ahead and have that extra little piece of chocolate. Go ahead, Just Do It!

The Once Over

I got the once over yesterday. If you're a girl you know what I'm talking about. It's that look you catch someone giving you when they literally look you over from top to bottom. It was from another girl, that can only mean one thing...she was measuring me up. I wonder if I made the cut? Anyone else ever been on the receiving end of the once over? Or worse yet, the once over coupled with the whisper? That's when they look you up and down and then turn to their friend and whisper. Nothing can make you feel more exposed as when you catch someone giving you the once over and they don't even hide it.

It's important to state that because we are humans, and God gave us eyes, it's impossible to not look at other people and to not have a picture of who they are embedded into our psyche. That's part of who we are and part of how we relate to eachother, and that's okay. What's not by God's design, however, is that look of judgement that comes with the disgust or disapproval that registers in the lookers eyes. When you are on the receiving end, you feel the sting, just like they stung you with a sharp pin. It hurts, it wounds and sometimes can weave itself into the beginnings of some serious personal attacks.

As a woman I recognize it's nice to be noticed. I can think of many times I've received a complimentary glance or a verbal compliment that I've floated on the tails of for an entire day. It feels good to know that we look good or that someone liked what we had to say. But the quickest way for my balloon of happiness to deflate is when the once over I get is accompanied with a look of disgust or disapproval. That takes me right back to my elementary school days when I wore toughskins and polyester pants. Oh, how I wish our society wouldn't focus so much on what we look like on the outside and instead follow God's commands and appreciate the little gem that's hidden within us.
In Matthew 7:12 it says, "Do to others what you would have them do to you?" And in Romans 15:3, "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on Christ." So, as much as I wanted to feel hurt and angry at the person who gave me the once over, and believe me I had to work for a little while to let it go, it would not have served me or her any purpose to hold onto that. Sure, if I want to allow my worth and my value to be tallied up by someone who doesn't even know me, then I could choose to let that look stay embedded in how I feel about myself. But as a daughter of the King I choose to instead remember that passage that states with such emphatic love, "The King is captivated by your beauty," by me. He is captivated by me, no matter what I'm wearing, no matter if my shoes are with the trend, or if my hair is styled just right. The King is captivated by me, his gem, his treasure, his precious child. That's where I find my worth.

The next time I catch someone giving me the once over, instead of wondering if I made the cut, I'm going to remember that I did indeed make the cut, in God's eyes. And that will be enough.

This is Zach and This is Kayla

This is Zach.

This is Kayla.

Zach and Kayla are two of my favorite people and they just happen to be my kids. I'm not sure how we got so lucky but we did. They are pretty cool... I guess I can say that since I'm their mom. I know we're blessed and not a day goes by that I don't shake my head in wonder when I see the things they do that are truly gifts from God. Sure they bug eachother but more than anything else they are really good friends, they actually like eachother. Which I know at this age could go by the wayside at any moment but I'll hold onto the hope that it won't change even as we enter these teen years.

Zach is a brainiac and so is Kayla. There is a subtle competitiveness between them, and Zach always wants to be on top. Kayla in her 11 year old wisdom already knows to not fight this battle, somehow sensing that his need to be #1 has nothing to do with her. Her insight inspires me and Zach's mettle inspires me just the same. They make me want to be the best person I can be. When I see them in the morning, even if they've challenged me the night before, they still walk into my arms and I'm only too happy to hug them.

How are you inspired by your children?

Who's Rocking Your Boat?

I tucked my knees beneath my chin as I sank onto the wooden planks stretched across the shallow opening, creating a place just large enough for me to fit. The black water tickled the sides of the boat as I wondered where I was and how I had ever strayed so far from the shore, from the familiar landscape of my life. The sky ran for miles into the horizon where the ocean and the heavens meet. Straining to see just a glimpse of land I closed my eyes in disgust. How did I ever end up here?

Wrapping the thin nightgown around the bottoms of my feet warmed my hardened soul for a moment before the sting of the wind began to swirl around me. The calm sea began to swell, frosting the black peaks with white foam, throwing buckets of water into my once dry boat. The thin fabric of my nightgown, pelted with salt water, grew heavy like a potato sack and pulled me deeper into the boat. The waves crashed, tossing my dinghy around, throwing me deeper and deeper into the boats shallow depths. My fingers clung to the sides of the boat as it rocked and bucked tossed about like a child's toy. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I cried out to God, to anyone to save me. "Please, someone, please...I'm going to drown! God, please rescue me!"

Pushing off from the boat's edge that now lay submerged beneath the surface of the ocean, I stood wrapping my arms around myself, bracing my feet in the bowels of the sinking boat. The wind raged around me, throwing salt pellets into my face, stinging me like a wooden switch on the hind end of a six year old boy caught for stealing. Straining against the salted air, I searched the heavens and then the depths of the sea, but all I could see was the empty black hole that was about to swallow me up. And then in the distance I saw him. He stood at the end of my boat like a gracken risen up from the depths of hell. His giant hands gripped the end of my boat, splintering the wood as it cracked with each heave. His eyes gleamed with hatred as they peered into my soul. He laughed as I tried to cover my secrets, my fears, my greatest weaknesses, but he saw it all and said, "You think you can hide from me? You think anyone is going to save you now?" His words clattered throughout my anxious brain as I searched my heart, cowering beneath the weight of this truth, accepting this as my fate. There was nothing I could do, my time had come.
I surrendered in defeat, waiting for the final blow to come. I begged internally for it to be quick, painless, and asked for mercy. Seemingly he knew what I was saying in my mind as a horrific bellow gurgled out of his mouth covering me in darkness.

And then as quickly as the storm had raged, it disappeared. The peaceful waves held my weakened body as I clung to a wooden remnant of the boat. Streams of light streaked across the sky, sending small fire like explosions across the heavens, as the darkness was again consumed by light. Looking all around me, my brain struggled to place where the gracken had been when all I could see was the glimmer of sunlight bouncing off the pale blue water. I rolled onto my back, floating along as the waves carried me. I had no idea where I was going but for once I was sure I didn't really care. Somehow miraculously I was saved. I laid my head back, smiling to myself, soaking it all in. What had seemed like certain doom before had turned into something wonderful.
As I lay there bouyed by this revelation, I realized I wasn't alone and opened my eyes. Right there attached to the toe of my right foot was a rope. I followed the length of it with my eyes, startled to discover another boat. An exact replica of the boat I had been in before, only this one was perfect. I unhooked the rope from between my toes and pulled myself towards the boat. Questions rolled around my head as it came closer. Painted brown this time, it was bigger then my previous boat. Grabbing onto the sides, I pulled my battle weary body into it's waiting arms and collapsed. None of this made sense to me, how did this get here? And what happened to that gracken anyway? I looked around searching the horizon once again but there were no clues. Curling my body onto one of the plank seats I wondered once again how I had gotten here to begin with.
As I settled onto the firm bench, I heard the faintest rustle of paper in the wind. Down in the deepest corner of my new boat was tucked a folded up piece of paper. Blinking my eyes a few times, I reached down to get it and held it out in front of me. On the outside of the creamy cardstock was my name. Allison.

Dear One,

In spite of what you might think, I have never ever forgotten you. I never could. You are my created being, part of my kingdom and a treasure to me. I promised you that I would watch over you, give you rest and shed my blood so that you could have a relationship with me. I have always loved you and would never willingly turn you over to the pit of hell.
Allison, the battles you choose to fight on your own, you will surely fail. The battles you choose to fight with me at your side, you will always win. Victory may not look how you want it to, but I assure you, I am always for you and never against you.
Surrender your will, trust me and believe that when you are once again sinking in your boat, all you have to do is cry out to me and I will be there to lift you up.

Love Your Father in Heaven