Monday, March 30, 2009

You're Gonna Miss This

You're Gonna Miss This
by Trace Adkins
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back,
You're gonna wish those days
hadn't gone by so fast.
These are some good times,
So take a good look around.
You may not know it now,
You're gonna miss this...
This is one of my favorite songs right now. It captures a sentiment that I think many of us quickly sweep over as we go about our days. We don't take the time to really experience the here and now, instead we wish for the future. We are dissatisfied with the present, and so we focus on something else, wishing for something different instead of relishing every single moment we have right now.
When Zach and Kayla were little I was admittedly exhausted, weary and irritable a lot. Any mom can tell you that having two toddlers at the same time is a full time job and there isn't a lot of energy left to handle much more. Zach and Kayla were almost exactly a year apart. They are in fact one year and ten days apart. When Kayla was born Zach was not walking, still taking a bottle and had just dropped the 4am feeding. The first few months of Kayla's life are a blur, there aren't as many photos of her as there are of Zach during this time; probably because the camera was buried beneath the mountain of diapers we went through.
I remember Zach was ready to drop his nap but I wasn't ready so he had quiet time in his crib while Kayla slept. That turned into my sanity time...usually I collapsed on the couch and fell asleep just in time for one of them to wake up, needing me again.
As much as I remember being exhausted and crabby during that time, I also remember the joy of holding my sweet babies when they woke from their naps. I remember holding them and smelling their sweet smell. I remember giving them raspberries on their chubby tummies, and bath time, reading Good Night Moon at bedtime and praying over them when they went to sleep.
I remember wanting to soak them up because every single day they changed. They crawled, they walked, they ran...and now they are so big that to hold them on my lap I have to be on the couch so it's big enough.
Where does the time go? Why does it go so fast? And how can I keep from wishing I could go back and do it all again?
Yes, I miss those days, I want them back but I know there is no turning back the clock. So, every day I'm going to try and soak them up because before I know it...they'll be adults with their own families wondering the very same thing.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Some Things I Love...

The sound of the ocean crashing on the beach.
Riding on the back of a Harley Davidson smelling the scent of fresh jasmine mixed with the sounds of spring.

Standing at the top of a ski hill charting my course, and then the thrill of adrenaline as it
races through my veins on my way down.
A long slow kiss.
Holding hands.
Playing catch.

Smelling fresh cut grass in the early morning on the back porch of my parents’ house in Yakima.
Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, shared with a very good friend
Really powerful Praise and Worship that moves me to tears.
Classical music, chocolate and a really great glass of red wine.

Listening to my children giggle while they tickle each other, begging the other person to stop.

A deep, intelligent conversation that exemplifies two people understanding each other.
The look on someone’s face when they have an “Aha” moment
The smell of suntan lotion mixed with salt water.
Movie trivia.
Drinking my morning coffee on the patio of Playa Grande, watching the sun come up.
A really good book that has a mixture of suspense, heart ache, resolution and not necessarily the ending I would choose.

A great pedicure, the kind that includes at least 30 minutes of foot massaging.
When a friend understands my heart, doesn’t try and change it but accepts me for who I am unconditionally.
Holding a sleeping baby that smells like powder.
Making the front of my body curve with the back of Grant’s while he’s asleep so that I can feel his heart beat.

Kayla's smile.
Building a really cool sand castle.
Cooking an awesome Italian dinner that leaves everyone asking for more.
Talking with my Dad, Mom and my siblings.
When someone believes in me.
Letting someone else go in front of me in line at the grocery store, they are always so surprised.
Feeling the tightness in my chest the signals a really good cardio workout.
Listening to Grant and Zach talk to each other…like two kids.

Making a first impression in fresh fallen snow.

What are some things you love?

Friday, March 20, 2009

One of my weaknesses.

One of my biggest weaknesses is shame. That might sound funny but I've learned that it can rear it's ugly head in all different ways. It washes over me in an instant when I least expect it. Maybe a strange look from someone, or an invitation I offer that falls flat or in my relationships when people try and care for me. Oh, that's the hardest one, to receive care from someone else is hard because it means that I'm vulnerable.

I struggled for years any time I would get sick, feeling like I was a burden. It wouldn't matter what ailment I had, the stomach flu, a cold, simple sniffles or healing from childbirth; I always felt like a failure somehow and believed that if only I could will myself towards healing all would be right with the world again. I think many times early in our marriage Grant tried to care for me but for some reason I couldn't accept it. I remember one time in particular I was sick with the stomach flu and he wanted to help me while I was vomiting. Even though my heart cry was to be on the receiving end of his show of compassion, my head screamed, "No way, you can't let him see you like this."
Now that I'm older I realize this mind set was deeply embedded in my way of being. The root of my resistance to being cared for was shame. After a healing class for women who had been sexually abused I began to see that I was worth being cared for. It took awhile but the old patterns began to fall away. I began to believe that I didn't have to be strong and perfect all the time and was in fact worthy of being cared for, especially when I was sick. Grant never stopped trying to care for me and I'm happy to say that now I can receive it. Thank you God!

If you are in the San Antonio area and want more information about the Healing Hearts class at Community Bible Church please email me.

Friday, March 6, 2009

What's Your Mind Set?

There's a scene in the movie Mr. Mom where Michael Keaton is driving the carpool to school for the first time. He plows his paneled station wagon into the carpool line, mowing down traffic cones, oblivious to the astonished stares all around. He is a man on a mission, confident in his new position as carpool driver extraordinaire. When a concerned parent knocks on his window, he looks up at her as she announces loudly, "You're doing it wrong!"
That scene always brings a smile to my face...especially the part where you see his kids sink lower in their seats to avoid being seen by the other kids. How many times have you had the thought, "I must be doing this wrong?" I know I have had that thought more times than I can count. I've spent years wondering how to shift my focus from what I'm doing wrong to what I'm doing right.

Recently I started examining my mind set and began to see that my brain was in a rut that kept me from fulfilling my potential. In fact, this mind set was keeping me stuck in the negative belief that I was always doing things wrong. It was time for a perspective shift... but how?
I made a list of all the times throughout the day I felt defeated or had any pang of self doubt. In the beginning it was amazing to see all the ways I was beating myself up.

I decided to take one topic from the list and began to affirm myself in that area. Instead of telling myself there was no way I was going to be able to run three miles, I began to immerse myself in anything that would encourage me to believe I could run three miles. I read magazines, I looked at articles online, I even bought some new workout clothes. All of these things served as reminders of my goal to shift my mind set from believing I couldn't do it, to a much more positive outlook that said, "I know I can do it!" It worked and after awhile I did run three miles and then eventually went on to run some three mile races.

If you feel like your brain is in a rut consider asking yourself, "What is my mind set?" And how is this way of thinking keeping me from fulfilling my dreams and goals? Once you've identified your mind set, ask yourself, 'What do I want to change about this mind set? And then set a tangible goal, that will allow you to measure your progress like a check list or a chart. Or find a friend who will help encourage you out of your rut and into a more postive way of being.

Grace and Peace!