Monday, May 11, 2009

Are you a nag?

I'm a nag. It's not debateable, it's truth and I'm willing to admit it. Now before you who know me best try to run quickly to my defense, there can be no, "Oh Allison, you're not a nag," or "Oh, don't be so hard on yourself," kind of talk allowed here. If those things are going through your head right now, you are going to miss my point. So...stop thinking that and take a breath. Now, keep reading.

I know many of us believe that if we didn't make requests or direct every single detail during the daily lives of our families and friends, nothing would ever get done. I find myself, like a lot of other mom's I know requesting, requesting, requesting, thinking that I'm just making a simple request, is that too much to ask? But when does a request turn into a nag? Probably when your son looks you in the face and says, "Mom, I get it now stop nagging me." Does that sound familiar to anyone? Hmm, well maybe or maybe it sounds like this from your husband, "Don't I always get it done on time?" Well, yes...but what do I do now?

I mean, if I stop making my "requests" that are actually making me into a nag, how do I know that what I've requested will actually happen? Worse yet, what if I stop nagging and actually have to trust that my request has been heard? Why is that so hard for us? Why do some of you right now, actually have anxiety pulsating through the blood in your veins? Because, we want what we want when we want it...we are nags.

Here's the thing...I don't think any of us want to believe that we are nags or what we are doing when we repeat our requests over and over again, is actually "nagging". And I know saying to yourself, "I'm a nag," doesn't sound great. But if you think about it and find yourself constantly requesting, requesting, requesting, it could be that what you are really doing is nagging. And no one likes a nag. So, what are you going to do about it?

Here is my "How Not to be a Nag" list...

12. Know that if you want something done and need help, it's okay to ask.
11. Know that your needs are important, sometimes we just have to communicate them.
10. Know that some things are outside your realm of control, some are within...figure out which realm your request is in and then proceed.
9. Be open and direct in making your request.
8. Don't have expectations that go unmentioned, that's not fair.
7. Make your request reasonable, and then trust the requestee to follow through.
6. If there is no follow through, check number 8 again, then communicate your feelings appropriately.
5. Know what triggers your shift from making requests to being a nag...resist them.
4. When you don't know what to say, don't say anything...wait.
3. When you do know what to say, then say it--and then let it go.
2. Believe the best about those people who love you, know they want what's best for you too.
1. Believe the best about yourself

Being a nag really boils down to our need for control. Once we know what our triggers are, we are on the road to recovery. So, I'm asking, Are you a nag?

1 comment:

Vern ~ Inspired said...

HA! Totally not what I thought I was going to be reading!!

I did not think you or I were a "nag"...but I have some areas to work on and will begin with #5!